It's very strange, the way time passes now.
Four weeks can be an extremely long time. A month sounds like forever when you are waiting for something exciting to happen. The end of the school year. A much-anticipated vacation. A big purchase that has been saved up for.
Four weeks can also be very quick. 28 days goes by very fast when you are dreading what is headed your way. An approaching deadline. A big presentation to prepare for.
The idea that time has passed and life has continued on without you is such an incomprehensible concept. It makes no sense. How can life continue on? You are gone. Doesn't the cosmos understand that everything is not ok and that we cannot possibly continue as things once were without you here to experience it with us? How has the world not come to a grinding halt? I mean, it feels like my world has, but how has life continued on around me? I feel like that The Weepies song..."the whole world is moving and I'm standing still".
On the other hand, I don't want the eyes of the world on me. I want everyone to keep on with life because that means that maybe someday I can as well. I'm not sure when that will be. Everyone keeps telling me "it takes time", but it honestly just seems to be getting worse as time goes on. I don't know if it is just reality slowly sinking in or what, but it's awful. I hate being "the girl whose dad died". It's the worst. You know I have always hated being the center of attention, and I just can't bear being the center of attention for this. I know that people care about me and how I'm doing, but it is really hard to keep that perspective when all it does is remind me that you are gone.
This sucks, Dad. It just plain sucks.
I miss you so, so much.
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