Goals - 2017

Dear Dad,

     Ok, I'm going to tell you a secret: I've been really struggling. I grew up with you telling me to "fake it 'til I make it" whenever I'm not feeling 100%, and I have always taken that to heart because it totally works. It's just ingrained into my being now, I think. And I've been trying, dad. Truly. But with work starting up again on Wednesday, I'm kind of worried that I will completely fall apart and I just don't know what to do. I am not sure I can face it yet, but real life is quickly beginning again and I know I can't avoid it forever. Part of me wants to just move on and return to normal things and part of me can't even begin to fathom how it would be possible to return to normal things.

     Anyway, it was New Year's Day yesterday and you have helped to give me a new perspective (although I'm not sure I can exactly appreciate it yet). I normally don't really set "resolutions", they are more like vague ideas that I am too lazy to actually follow through with. But this year, with all of the changes and with my own struggles, I have decided to set a few specific goals for myself. I'm hoping that it will help distract me from...everything...and will help me to focus on bettering myself which will help me to...be better? I don't know, it makes more sense in my head, I guess. I wrote down my goals in my journal, and I'm going to add them here.

     I've never been too good at most of these things on this list (except for the reading books one, that one I added because I needed one that I knew I could complete 😁). But I'm hoping that by doing this, I will be focused on the good rather than the bad. Maybe that will help things a bit.

     Starting a new year without you is indescribably difficult, dad. I can't believe you aren't here. I just miss you.

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Goals - 2017